AA Humor
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. "I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!" Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
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Six Indications That You Just Might Need to
Consider Alcoholics Anonymous: 1. You have awakened with an overwhelming feeling that you should
go back and apologize… but you don’t remember where.
2. People consider your spouse a Saint for reasons that totally
escape you.
3. The last time you had a legal driver’s license, so did
Ted Kennedy.
4. “But Officer, it’s been a long time since I tried to say my ABC’s!”
5. You know for certain that putting your foot on the floor does not
stop the room from spinning.
6. The producers of the television program COPS still send you
Christmas cards. |
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A Cirque du Solei performer is driving home with a broken foot. Due to his injury, his driving is not too steady. A cop sees the erratic driving and pulls him over. The cop asks him to step out and walk the line. The Cirque performer explains his broken foot to the officer and states that he can't walk the line, but he can still demonstrate that he is not drunk. He asks the cop if, instead, he can juggle 6 items at once, to show that he is sober. The cop agrees. The performer steps out of his car with 3 knives and 3 torches. He then lights the torches and proceeds to juggle all six items at once. The cop smiles, satisfied that the performer is not drunk. Just at that moment, 2 drunks walk by. They look over and one of them says to the other: "It's a good thing that we don't drink and drive anymore. The Field Sobriety Tests are getting too tough."
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A social drinker, a heavy drinker, and a true alcoholic walk into a bar and each orders a beer. When the beers come, each man notices that his drink has a fly in it. The social drinker pushes away his beer. The heavy drinker picks the fly out of his beer and starts to drink. The true alcoholic picks up the fly by its little wings, holds it up over the beer, shakes it, and starts screaming "Spit it out, you bastard!!! Spit it out!!!"
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Eeny, meeny, miny, moe;
I need a sponsor for I am ready to go.
Manny, Moe or Jack?
I guess Moe.
I’ve had too Manny,
and I don’t know Jack. --RumRadio.org
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Heard from a speaker in rehab:
A normal non- alcoholic wakes up and finds himself in a strange room they have never been in before. This room has 2 doors. H tries one of the doors. It is unlocked and they proceed through. Soon, as he steps through the doorway, out of nowhere someone smashes him with a 2x4, knocking him out cold. Once he wakes up, he goes cautiously to the second and door tries it. It, too, is unlocked. He edges out slowly, watching for the 2x4 wielding mental case. The crazy man with 2x4 is nowhere to be found, so he leaves, grateful to be alive... An alcoholic wakes up in the same strange room with 2 doors. He, too, tries that 1st door and is knocked out cold by the man with the 2x4. Once he wakes up, he goes back to that same door walks out and, BANG, again is knocked out cold. A third time, same door, same result... The 4th time he tries the same door, the man with the 2x4 is not there, so he goes looking for him...
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A man is praying and asks God if there is AA in heaven. Suddenly, there is a thunder clap and God speaks to the man: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, there is AA in heaven. The bad news is... you're speaking there tomorrow night."
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Funny Video Links
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